Having a Blog that talks about HIV and AIDS for more than 20 years, after all, I've been ahead of it for almost a month, surpasses any other personal experience that I may have entertained, except that of marriage for twenty years. Before, nothing lasted more than three years and it was a disastrous three years on both sides.
Twenty years of work in a cause that is not just mine! What a beautiful change! Many would define me as unrecognizable and it is true. But these twenty years have taught me so much that, in spite of all the effort many times without support, without support I have often accomplished more than I could believe, one day at a time! I don't like that, what I'm going to tell you in this paragraph, but my inconstancy and the personal vacuum I suffered from, placed me in the eternal search for what I could only find in myself! And I was only able to get around when I came face to face with the wall in Warp 9. Patience, after all, among the dead and wounded I was my biggest victim, with all the damage I did!
Yes it is:
A Blog that talks about HIV and AIDS for 20 years proves many things! And the most important is that there is life ...
Not just with HIV, P.!
There is life, yes, wherever you seek it. And I don't talk about the search for other lives. I speak of your search for your life, for those hundred meters more, with bleeding feet, in the certainty of finding a podiatrist like Monica at the end since the final hundred meters. It's always worth it. Even if the soul is small, Person, because then it grows and this is, Fábio, the movement of all things: forward and upward!
Having established these two goals, I redound: there is life with HIV
And let another twenty years of Seropositivo.Org!
A blog about HIV that completed twenty years of existence is not so easy. It's nothing I see happening every day. Without false modesty and without vanities, what I feel is the satisfaction of doing a job well done!
Visitation, ranking in searches, all of this is, for me, even more important than income. Because the blog never generated income and, on the other hand ...
Therefore, my readers, the most important part of these twenty years of work well done exists only because of “a simple little thing”.
The attention you give me. This is better than anything I could have achieved in these 20 years of work. And also in these 26 years of struggles! Not because of my existence. For that too, but for everything else.
And right away what I have to say to you is?
Thank you so much!
There's Life With HIV! It is what proves a blog about HIV that has existed for 20 years!
I had been living with HIV for a long time when I met Mara. And Mara gave me the idea of making websites. Her idea was that I would make websites to market, to make money and, in fact, I did it for a while, after I had more deeply understood how to make dynamic websites, powered by databases!
In the year 2000 I started this blog, in fact, a website, even before the concept "blog" existed. And if it is true that I do it out of love, it is also true that I fought hard for some financial aid. However, I am a terrible seller of myself and every time I try, I end up with the donkeys in the water.
Patience. It is important to inform that Mara believes that she owns all the patience of the Casa Verde district
When I discovered I had HIV, the Internet was a little distant from its debut here in Brazil, and Alexander Mandic had not yet bought his first BMW with money earned on the Internet. And when the Internet arrived, I was fighting everything and everyone, and there was no remote possibility that I would try to “have the Internet”. God knows what he does.
Living with HIV! What is it"
Living, exercising your rights and duties as a citizen, having HIV was quite a complicated task in those days, it is true. And, I know, today it may seem easier; however, it is not quite so. People seem to "tolerate" our presence.
In practice, the theory is quite another.
The medical routine in those dark days of the 90s was quite complex! And, in the face of today, it was something that seemed to have been created by Edward Nigma himself.
In my reality, in those days, there was, for a long time, a weekly “walk and stop” at the CRT-A pit-stop, in times when this institute was still there, at Cerqueira César.
Yes Yes. Right there on Rua Antônio Carlos and I don't even like to think about how many bites I took every week due to routine exams and control. And that always makes me think of Márcia!
Routine and control were not meant to know how your treatment was going! There was no treatment and the pit-stop was to better assess how much I had gotten worse. And each of us, in those days, rarely "got a little worse!"
This was the gray, almost leaden tone of those days, at least until mid-1996, early 1997. CD4 counts and viral load aimed to observe your immune risk and the size of the constellation of viral copies that circulated through your bloodstream. I don't remember the reasons why, but already at AIDS, I had prescribed it for me, by a dreadful creature, who even suggested going to treat me in Campinas, I had gone to spend a hunk in Piracicaba.
The vomitorium of each day!
Well, she prescribed Hydroxyurea and I took it for two or three months. And I already suffered so much from the DDI of those days that I couldn't tell if the punch my stomach was giving to my cervical spine was born in the fury of Hydroxyurea or DDI.
AZT? For me, it would be labeled our daily vomitorium! Amen…
You know, it was so much spanking that I didn't even bother to know the origin and the reason for the blows, the spanking was the same every day and whoever beat didn't leave a note.
Living With HIV killing Two Lions and a Bear every day
Living with HIV in those days was a daily struggle, one lion in the morning, another in the afternoon. And at night, a bear. I had the impression of stepping on some scorpions too, but that is hypothetical.
I lived in the support house Brenda Lee and had become accustomed to the routine of caring for a patient in the support house, the Waldir, and that left me time to care for others, voluntarily. I can't stand the idea of remain in disuse. Need to work. Work, isn't it Sinhá Gonçalves?
I don't work. Employment is a thing of Chic People.
And I want to make it very clear. If I was taken to the day of my diagnosis and had to retrace my path, I would do it. He would certainly avoid certain mistakes, he would even have passed a huge tractor on a damn bunch of vultures that used the word charity for personal delight. My joy is to know that for each one of them a brand new pavilion was built in hell.
Am I mean?
Apologies do not interest me!
The time I spent there at CRT-A, volunteering, taught me many things. But that to love is to show living ... well, that was life. And, I know, nowadays, how many people showed, living, just the opposite, the so affirmed “love me”!
But when I see a person apologizing for not having negative personal references in his own life regarding HIV, I feel disrespected.
And it's not personal. It would be childish of me to observe something this suit in a personal way. What I see is the disrespect for the suffering of a group of people that, generically expressed, embraces thirty million souls.
Thirty million human beings.
Thirty million children, women and men, most of these thirty million people dying in pain and agony, many of them almost in a public square and, if they lacked references ... Each of these references, thirty million, certainly had one father and mother. Perhaps a spouse and perhaps a child. Taking the test of nine and calculating below, the reference has a contingent of one hundred million people. Let us express numerically:
100.000.000 people! The stance adopted by a hundred million people borders on cynicism, hypocrisy and, yes ... it is inexcusable
The story is told everywhere.
Only here, in this blog that talks about HIV, there are 754 published posts and almost 3500 on file! Almost 100 published pages. We lost a crowd of thirty to AIDS. Thirty million human beings. And, due to the lack of references, I see two very clear details.
We had two youth idols massacred by the media and AIDS in the public square and, plus ultra, Caio Fernando Abreu!
This data is quite interesting and expressive.
30.000.000 Thirty Million Humans for whom excuses are of no use
It is not a case of apologizing. It is a case of informing yourself.
And, if there is nothing to be said, let the silent respect remain. And I don't want to, intend or dare try to silence someone. Far away from me! Longing to silence a voice! It is a clarification, an explanation! But who doesn't understand a look ... Am I mushy. This is not the way I see it all.
At times I find myself perplexed by all of this. But, if on my blog, the blog of a person with HIV, who has the impression that he lives with HIV for unfathomable evos, I was under the impression of keeping this thing contained within me as a movement (…) of apathy.
And if it serves you # $?%! I started this text freely, without any purpose.
It is always a matter of work for me. My desire to be useful would suffocate me without it.
From a technical point of view, what I was doing was exactly filling a gap that I noticed in the system. Which system?
(…) Finding these gaps is my specialization! More than twenty years of window! Not Windows! This is the truth. It always bothered me, since I saw it. I found myself less finished and made meaningless. Along with another thirty million people. Do I speak (write) on their behalf?
But the idea of being pen and paper is adorably delicious!
Well, I would love to see each one, using the same Bras Cubas, posting your personal considerations about it. So, what started without purpose arrives here, on August 23, 2020, around 00:40, with the look of a deliberate thing.
Not! I just wrote it! How nice to feel like pen and paper! And I say this to you who got here. Yes, there is life with HIV. But I advise you to avoid this. Use a condom. It solves the problem well., And I consider the proposal to have, in PrEP., A secondary layer of protection wise.
But, if you arrived here aware of your serology, cheer up!
Do not give up!
Resilience, dear readers, is everyday construction!
Thanks for listening! AND…
By the way:
Excuse me. That's how it is said, in good Portuguese that's also how it is written!
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