Sex life of HIV positive
The sex life of the seropositive seems impossible to a newly diagnosed person! The first thing the individual thinks is: “Nobody wants to have sex with an HIV positive person”.
The Sexual Life of the HIV-positive and self-concept
The worst of prejudices is self-prejudice, because if you don't confront your prejudices, sooner or later they will confront you!
And it is exactly at this point that everything gets complicated. This message that the individual generates for himself is the one espoused by the subject of this sentence. In summary he says:
- I would never have sex with a person with HIV! Who would? Crazy, crazy? Perhaps…
It is the voice of his prejudice, that of yesterday, before the diagnosis thinking, living and talking while, contradictorily, the sexual life continued quickly and impassively unprotected!
In short, it is the person who is careless of himself, I was once this person, who does not care at all about the risks; and that it melts all, and everyone knows what, when the word "reagent" appears to you!
It is one of the most contradictory things that I ended up learning in the day-to-day service via What's App! And I also realized that the idea of Dostoevsky crime and punishment serves well in the seropositive's mind!
Life goes on, even with the worst prognosis
Not his work! The relationship “crime and punishment!” The first person to whom this applied was me!
Right in the wake of my recent diagnosis, with great difficulty I managed to inform the last two contact persons of rusco about the present condition, my diagnosis and, after a while I ended up informing that both were not contaminated!
Absurd of absurdities, I saddened, because of one of them, because I felt, I was sure that this would have been the end of all the possibilities of a resumption.
Yes! I was sad that she was not reactive (and I was also relieved) because I knew that, from now on, all possibilities of reconciliation have disappeared. Please don't fail me. I'm just a man! I'm obviously not perfect.
Sexual Life of the HIV-positive: And in the name of the truth, let it be said.
From inside the Support House I wrote a letter to her. In fact, there were three or four letters in which the sub intention was to see her, to receive a visit, to try a “last card”, to try to resume a romance that was never good on the legs, I recognize that I frustrated all her expectations ”. And she said it to me before the diagnosis.
Anyway, because I have no hope, I sent her one last letter, aware of her reaction when reading it: she never spoke to me again. Better that way! After all, at that time, my view was exactly this, that no one would have sex, screw, eat or give to an “AIDS person”.
Sad and foolish mistake that life has shown me unfounded.
Care is needed, caution, prevention.
Although science has its results there, undetectable is equal to non-transferable, PEP and PrEP, I recommend condoms, condoms.
For these "above techniques" may be right. But none of them avoids gonorrhea, practically incurable today because each antibiotic ended up becoming inefficient against our friend o “Gonococcus”!
Can there be sex life? Yes. But it is good to take care. Let's get on with it!
Read more about the sexual life of a HIV positive person:
I started this text and soon got annoyed. I did not like it and I do not like certain statements of it! Afterwards I enjoyed it, although he and I were diverse and controversial in a lot.
He does not like the idea of "exploring people with HIV" in their emotional needs. But it is working hard (and I respect and admire that) chipped to help you in other ways and, we know, the indirect return comes (...) and in greater volume than the dating site.
Around 2003/2004, maybe 2005 I had the brilliantly stupid idea of creating a social networking site for people with HIV. The Site still exists and is in http://www.amorpositivo.com! And it is not me, decidedly, that keeps it there.
Just one web site to support yourself as a donkey!
Funny…. This expression was heard daily by me, the life of my late father, who complained about me “overeating”….
What am I going to do?
Learning from O Velho Souza - The life of Seropositive
And, just for the record, he told me: When I was going to the Zone, over at José Paulino -I have a lot to tell you about it… - I was washing the op ** (as if washing was going to solve the issue of HIV infection) he told me when he found out….
The shit in all this is that a lot of things ended up being unsaid, and so the saying, cruelly and from side to side, is left unsaid, another expression I learned from it!
And, after all, by changing the vibration, let him be well where he is, and if he can not be well, let him receive my prayers and those who can say something about him and his name!
The story is written by those who won and in this line, there is little to be done and no one has won whatever was brought into play in the contest!
Returning to “Amor Positivo” the idea was to give everyone a chance to meet someone, paying for it, even, even in this sector, I was the “avant garde”, and I only wanted R $ 45,00 per half.
The life of HIV positive people, which I tried to improve in one way or another.
To keep this here without drawing from my pocket or wallet, as I had to keep doing and doing, keep this blog here !!!
My tactic was to show the person I am, to see if the person might be interested.
When the person was interested, or who really liked what he knew, I would start talking about my work. And that was where things were headed for certain paths, and I have some here
- Hypothesis 1: The person was leaving in MACH 3.
- Hypothesis 2: The Person left in WARP 9.9
- Hypothesis 3: One “Sudden need to breathe fresh air" the person came and never came back !!!
- Hypothesis 4: The person stayed and, in the front, in a stupid fight she said: “And here I take my chances”
- Hypothesis 5: Fantastically the person said: You could have contaminated me and you didn't! Now I like you even more! But everything ends quickly, because the fear and the social group speak louder! I went through it too!
- Hypothesis 6: “Happily ever after
- Hypothesis 7: You find a person with the same serology and life becomes simpler
It's very difficult for you to date a person with another serology, because even with U = U, or I = I, ignorance and fear are in the way !!!
And, yes, I ended up meeting with a person with the same serology. Are there any raids among us? There has been, but we have to find our way back, because between dating and life together, 22 years is something to be considered with importance and what is open, closes temporarily.
Here, let the author of the text follow with his speech.
Challenges and Challenges Still Greater
I knew there would be challenges to dating after I was diagnosed as HIV positive, but I did not know of the many hidden nuances that exist in dating when you are a person living with HIV.
Of course, there are obvious challenges, especially those linked to stigma. However, I found that being HIV positive and dating is much more challenging than I had imagined, and this is rarely discussed. Here are some of the nuances I've experienced:
Before I begin, I must explain some things. See, before HIV, dating was everything to me; or should I say, finding someone to spend the rest of my life with was everything. When the doctor told me that I am HIV-positive, it shook me deeply.
It looks awful right? It's just an illustration. It does not do him justice to the complexity and genius of his self-engineering
When I speak publicly about living with HIV, I often speak about how the doctor's words were tantamount to being hit by a bat. I was crying uncontrollably, I was collapsing inside and there were still the dilemmas of conscience like "to tell or not to tell", if to tell, when (?) - it was a very bad scenario.
Things calmed down after a few weeks that followed, but sometimes I found myself courting someone and anyone. I began to measure progress by the amount of time between the attacks. Immediately after my diagnosis, flirting was a daily occurrence. Over time, I paused once a week, then every two, three months, and eventually flirting became less and less frequent.
All I wanted was to feel normal. (Covering the sun with a sieve is useless) I was unaware of dating sites before my diagnosis, and so, a few weeks after my diagnosis, it occurred to me that there should be dating sites for those living with HIV.
Relief And Happiness. But I do not like the idea of paying!
And he's right! There are men missing on this beach and it was good to sunbathe on it 🙂
To my relief and happiness, I found several dating sites - some that you have to pay for, and some that are free. In person, I find it reprehensible to profit from the need of people who are HIV positive to feel loved and not despised.
With all the money on HIV programs and activism, there must be a lot of free dating sites (am I wrong or is it the indirect gain?). This is as necessary for our care as the drugs themselves.
I registered on several dating sites and immediately started meeting women.
What a relief!
Apparently, there are few viable men on HIV dating sites, and I was a breath of fresh air for many women who, unfortunately, were in the same boat.
Before HIV, I invested more in dating. Now I was flirting more than ever.
But, remember, I was still flirting - and in reality, I wasn't even close to being ready for a relationship, a firm, serious relationship! But I called anyway. I thought I was ready and therefore “I was normal”, and I decided to try.
Before I continue, I need to take a break here because it is very important to note an unintended but very important function of HIV dating sites that I have discovered that I do not think anyone has planned or planned.
See, at this point, I had not found another living soul with HIV, despite repeated appeals to my doctors to connect with a colleague who has HIV or a support group. I mean, I knew there were HIV-positive people.
I knew I passed them every day on the street; However, without knowing that I saw or knew someone with HIV, I felt that I was the only person on the planet who was living with HIV. It seemed that I was alone and that I was the only one. There were no early intervention services, even recently, in 2012 when I was diagnosed.
My First Post-Outcome Emotional Disorder
Right after the diagnosis, I suffered from another type of emotional deviation different from his. As I knew absolutely nothing about the disease, and with my newfound love for life, which is one of the most important things in my psyche, I came to believe that my serology “glowed in the dark!
I believed that anyone could look at me and know that I “was an AIDS sufferer. Aid waste, as they called me in the mouth of luxury (I worked on both: Na do Lixo and at Luxo. Na do twice! I started “my career there, and there it ended!).
Aids waste !!! Keep this sinister and dismal expression. I've never heard anything worse ...!
Activist And Defender (I don't know if Luck Cage Or Iron Fist)
Today, I am an activist and advocate, so now I know a ton of people who are HIV positive, but at the time of my diagnosis, I did not know anyone with HIV. I thank God every day. by dating sites. If it were not for the dating sites, I might never have met someone who is HIV-positive; at least at that moment.
When I discovered that HIV dating sites really exist, the first thing I thought was that I had just found a community of enlightened people. I mean, certainly, people living with such a socially disabling affliction (or so I thought) how to carry HIV should be enlightened and therefore, sophisticated individuals, right?
Boy, was I wrong.
My addendum and, gay people, don't get me wrong. But certain approaches… It doesn't deserve more than that… I was in UOL's chat room for people with HIV and that was Cláudius (Hetero). Not because I could be "hunting"! I was looking for testimonials for the blog and all I wanted was a certain type of approach…. Well, you who are gay know that some people in your midst are overly objective when they are "interested in something" and the nick was just to avoid this particular focus! But…. Some people…
… Some people have no limits!
Someone approached me. And I politely answered with a good afternoon.
- “Well, I see your nickname, but I ask if you don't have any tare?
- “I have 🙂! told him.
- "It would be for teachers, I am one"
-No, "dear", teachers.
Then something I've seen and laughs
-Fulano The Stranger left the room
Rolling with laughter
Easier to Find the Illuminated by Stephen King
That was a big mistake of mine. I mistakenly attributed a sort of superhuman quality of enlightenment to people living with HIV, and in doing so, in a way, I dehumanized them. They were human before HIV and are human after HIV; complete with all the weaknesses and fallibilities found in any person.
In short, if they were idiots before HIV, they were idiots after HIV, and that's perfectly normal and understandable.
I thought about trying to date someone who is HIV negative, but very soon you find yourself in this puzzle: how long should you wait to tell someone that you are HIV positive?
Do you tell the person immediately?
Should they have the right to know immediately?
Legally, they certainly have the right to know before any sexual contact.
Such A Time To Tell by Amarilis In Memorian
The danger of this is that if you tell people that you are HIV positive early in the meeting and they refuse to continue in a relationship with you, very soon you will find yourself in a position where many random people who have not demonstrated the ability to keep that very personal knowledge about you in secrecy.
Loss of Control over Secrecy - Complete Despair
As the percentage of people who know their serology grows, the amount of control over who knows and who does not know decreases.
To complicate matters, you lose control over how the message is delivered and, therefore, how it is received. And if you wait and go out with someone for a while before counting their serological status?
Is it really fair to ask someone to give you six months or more of your life when, in the end, he cannot accept his HIV status? Furthermore, how fair is this to the person living with HIV? These are two questions that I will try to keep in mind to work on them….
In the end, I chose to only date those who were also HIV positive.
So I started using the dating sites and, to my delight, I made several meetings.
Around the same time, I thought about talking about my serostatus.
While talking to my potential partners, I sometimes mentioned that I wanted to leave.
The mere mention of leaving shook my potential partners to question:
"You want to find me? Did you say you want to leave? ” I could hear the fear in their voices. It became clear to me very quickly that, out of respect for the anonymity of any potential partner, it would be wise to maintain my HIV status for myself. It seemed, for good reason, that no one was interested in dating someone who claimed to be HIV positive.
Condemned to Solitude!
Here I am in tease. Laughter does not hurt anyone
So I was quiet. And I feared being condemned to spend my life alone.
But at the end of 2015, I met a very dynamic and talented woman. We courted and, at the beginning of 2016, left my home in Cleveland, Ohio, and moved in with her at her home in Detroit, Michigan.
Suddenly, I found myself on the opposite side of the same problems that sometimes puzzled me. Look, my girlfriend is Claire Gasamagera, a very sincere and very public activist and lawyer who was born with HIV and has worked all over the world.
I followed Claire into advocacy; however, I was not public with regard to my serological status. A simple Google search of Claire will reveal seven to eight pages of articles and interviews with her, in which she speaks openly about her positive HIV status.
Because of this, I was very reluctant to mention Claire in my own social media pages.
I know how it is!
I rarely recognized Claire at all.
Claire and I often talked about it, and she was okay with it, but I feared that our mutual friends would see me as an indifferent, loveless boyfriend who would not even mention my girlfriend or post any picture of her.
For two years, my relationship status said "single". I got married to Mara the day after she retired and that speaks for itself!
I know my friends, and I know my friends are nosy, and if they saw the social networks I live with, they would go Google and quickly see that Claire is clearly and publicly seropositive.
It would not take long for my friends to add A + B (or with crete) and assume that I’m HIV positive too. The problem was well, quite another! Even if this was wrong and my friends had doubts about that assumption, I knew in my heart that it would be a correct assumption.
I did my best to hide the meaning of Claire in my life.
One of the positive things that solved in my heart is that being HIV positive is that I have more real and lasting conversations with women now. Before HIV, my interactions with women were superfluous and I had in mind the intention of going to bed with all the women I met.
Waiting for a sexual relationship was almost always my motivation for any kind of commitment to a woman in my heart. On the streets, they have a name for guys like me, "Captain Save-a-Hoe". (The translator will try to determine this much better in the end)
I was good at being "the captain".
The Hidden Agenda
I seemed genuine in my intentions, but I always had a hidden agenda.
HIV has helped me realize that.
I knew this, that I was hunting and had no intention of taking root when and while I lived at night, DJ going out hunting, sometimes fishing, more complicated, immediately after my bath. Yes!!!" Even before my first coffee, at Seu Chico's bar, a very good man whose existence I register here, initially.
And I hope to find time, absence of neuropathic paina (I wonder if so much pain, I had a memorable flash here in the last three minutes and I could barely contain the screaming. it is a kind of balance rebalancing) and willingness to talk about it….
I hunted because I hunted, I did not look at the future.
After my daughters were lost, a very hairy story that, yes, with neuropathic pain or not, I will write here, but after losing them, I did not give "prick" to anything. I had lived an unknowable Astral Hell for them and I lost them. Po ** to none interested me more. I did not seek death, although I believed that contracting HIV would be certain death. I just wanted to forget. Who forgets that he lost two daughters in the cacophony of a hospice, to the hands of a person outside his center, completely demented by drugs…. You forget it? Tell me another…! I was interested, yes, and always, in women with more in their heads. But the lack of people like that at night, in those times, in that “zone” was systemic and endemic….
Now, after HIV, my interactions with women are very real. Before HIV, I never knew how phony I was with women. I thought I was the most honest guy on the planet.
Now, I genuinely care about what a woman and I talk about, and it was my hidden agenda.
I'm in a better place (***) now. I'm in a relationship with Claire that lasted three years and still counting. We had our son, Calvin, in October of 2017, and we have a son, Aaron Jr., who is due to arrive at the end of March of 2019.
I'm very lucky to have contracted HIV very late in the epidemic - when the drugs are good, we know about being undetectable is to be Inaudible (I = I), and we can have children who are HIV negative.
Please note: This is independent of the scientific doctrine I = I, register here! Undetectable is equal to non-transmissible!
I advise them to stay away from it, HIV. A condom away is enough!
I also gained a lot from HIV! But as great as Aaron's enthusiasm is, I don't share the same faith. Is there life with HIV? Yes. But try, because it is not difficult to prevent your arrival, to live without HIV
I can honestly say that:
- Thanks to HIV, I found love., which led me to my two new children
- Thanks to HIV, I have better friends now.
- Thanks to HIV, I am now active in activism and advocacy, which gave me a very real purpose in my life that I did not have before HIV.
- I've been to the Capitol (what is that for ???)
- and lobbied Congress. (Lobby is a reason for pride !? I would never say on my resume, in previous occupations: “I was a Lobbyist”….)
- And, thanks to HIV, I'm living my dream of being to become a writer.
- Claire and I have already been profiled in the POZ Magazine, and our story is still used to promote your free dating site.
- None of this would have been possible without HIV.
Translator's note: He almost invites you to get HIV and, guys, it's not like that !!!
So I'm not bitter, I embrace HIV.
It is well beyond what I would propose to you !!! If you have unfortunately received the diagnostic reagent, accept the facts and move on. But u would not tell you:
-"Oba Oba! Let's get AIDS ”
In today's world, it is more manageable than diabetes, and espero that I have a totally normal life expectancy.
Somebody tell me, please, what is normal because, up close, very close, nobody is "normal"
There is life with HIV
The life is good. Life is certainly much better than before HIV.
Can you believe that?
Six years ago, I would never have believed you could say that.
I even have a friend who is a woman of 75 years who is HIV positive. (Me too!!!!)
She met a man in his sixties who is HIV negative, and last year they were married. Bia has already found and experienced the love of her life!
For newly diagnosed and the not-so-new, do not worry.
You'll be fine. (I already lost people in the newly diagnosed! Hurry up on the test!)
A single opportunistic infection can kill all your hope without an early diagnosis
I and my friends are living examples of what life and love are still possible.
It's not easy with public stigma, I know.
But I'm here to tell you that, yes, St. Anthony is rooting for you too.
Aaron Anderson is an activist, consultant and former talk show host, also co-founder of ARISE (Association of Refugees, Immigrants and Survivors of Human Trafficking Engagement). He's from Cleveland and now he's living in Detroit.
Regarding “Captain Save-a-Hoe” I did not get anything very good except “Captain Saves A Hoe at Tradukka.com, and when I asked for the translation of“ HOE ”the same translation device did not“ know how to translate ”HOE and presented, at the bottom of the translation box, a description that, in itself, is quite laughable, when we talk about the quality of the translation mechanism.
Translated Claudio Souza Original in I Found Love (and Love of Self) After HIV, and You Can Too between 29 / 05 / 2019 and 04 / 06 / 2019
PENDING REVIEW - Please volunteer for it !!!